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Friday, April 6th, 2007
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8:40 pm
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| Wednesday, August 30th, 2006
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1:53 am
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The body's reaction to a tramatic experience is rather interesting. The lasting effects still bring about shock and even 9+ months later one's body will go into shock when faced with the reality of their situation
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(6 showing hatred | share the hate)
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| Tuesday, July 18th, 2006
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8:52 pm
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| Wednesday, July 5th, 2006
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10:50 pm - So uhhhhh.....
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My parents were fired from surf?
I suppose my parents are the reason for the scores, or maybe it's because they dont have hot breakfasts
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(4 showing hatred | share the hate)
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| Thursday, June 22nd, 2006
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10:59 pm - and yea
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So I've wanted to start writing my manuscript for awhile now...but i still have anxiety about putting it down on paper. The plans are there, the ability is marginal but workable, its just a matter of doing it that's difficult. Some day soon though, I'm sure
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(1 showing hatred | share the hate)
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| Sunday, April 30th, 2006
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5:37 am - make-believe depth
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There are some people who enter our lives that we will never lose. For good or bad, we carry them with us. Some stick around and appear at the best times. Others we carry in our heart. These who we carry in our heart have faded away, some because of spite, others out of sheer stupidity, and still others to death and circumstances we will never control. There are three people who I have told that I love. They each have had an incredible impact on me. I'm happy to say all three of these people are back in my life and I couldnt be happier about that. It's fitting that the sun is now rising. I've seen this symbolism before, everytime that I've seen the sun like this, and felt like this, it has been a good thing. I know this will follow that trend.
and just to add since I've been told to put this up, I'm single again.
current mood:  nostalgic
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(12 showing hatred | share the hate)
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| Friday, April 7th, 2006
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9:56 am
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| Sunday, April 2nd, 2006
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11:50 pm - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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2:59 pm - =) This is my life
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*comment from ex-gf's journal*
by the way G, he is a completely worthless human being. he has no art. no poetry. no words. no romance. no song. no genius. and definitely no dick. and i'm pretty sure, the next time he tries to be "clever" with his journal one liners, we'll start laughing, all over again.
and for you- you miserable fuck, she stayed in that relationship because she thought there was something decent left in you. turns out, she was wrong, and we were right. and that will prove to be quite a problem for you.
love,
princess
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(18 showing hatred | share the hate)
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4:04 am - hello world
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So hey, I'm not dead, and I haven't honestly updated this thing in a good long time. So what's been up with me. Hmmm....in and out of a relationship. It had its high points and its lows, I'm seeing both of those more and more as I'm out of it, but hey, life goes on. For those that haven't picked up on it yet oh faithful readers, I'm going to therapy now and I'm on anti-depressants. That goes back to a couple of things not worth going into in my journal. Surprisingly enough my grades are pretty damn good, I'm getting into enough honor societies to make me smile. I've been talking to a few people of the female persuasion which is also quite nice. It's incredible really how much a few people can make you feel so good. It's nice rediscovering a lot of the college friendships I estranged myself from not too long ago. What's more interesting is how they didn't just brush me off. What else is kinda funny is how weird it is to be depressed now. Before, when I started low, falling lower was no big deal, but now that I'm slowly getting better, when I slip it's honestly kind of scary. It's so different now. As I said to a couple people I understand the phrase "crippling depression" now. And for as many threats as I receive, I'm also starting to realize that those who truly know me won't just brush me off and understand when people are just trying to ruin my reputation and when there is validity. But, as always, I respect everyone and refuse to speak negatively about them. People can say what they want about me; I will always be surrounded by people who will stand by me because they know who I really am, and know that that person is not the composition lies constructed by others. Why the update? who knows, but hell it's some incite.
By the way, smelling like girl is one of the best sensations ever.
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(7 showing hatred | share the hate)
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| Thursday, March 30th, 2006
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5:42 pm
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HAHAHA you know there is an issue when your therapist says "why were you even in a relationship like that? what could you have been getting out of it?"
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(7 showing hatred | share the hate)
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| Tuesday, March 28th, 2006
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2:17 am - you're nothing more than a liar
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Funny thing happened tonight. I went to someone and apologized for offending them to have them say, "Oh I wasn't offended at all, I didn't even know you said it." Imagine my surprise as I've felt like shit for offending someone that I didn't mean to offend at all, to only find out that they didn't care. The funniest part of the whole thing was that I was told I was ripped apart because SHE made a comment about how she was offended. Picking a fight and hitting everything that you knew would hurt the most on a lie is really fucking dirty. And I'm the one that's full of shit, a liar, and playing mind games? Not only is it fucking dirty that you said it, and called me out for being a liar when I never was, but who the fuck uses a third person. If there is an issue between two people that's fine, but fucking keep it there, there is no reason to include a third person in your dirty laundry.
</rant>
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(1 showing hatred | share the hate)
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| Saturday, March 11th, 2006
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12:14 am
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| Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
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11:31 am - I'm the first person I've seen that hasn't gotten heaven
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After you die...
the Beetlejuice Waiting Room
After death, you will end up in an overcrowded waiting room sitting beside Beetlejuice. You've been given the number 736 076 827 378 919 023, but they are currently serving number 3. Good Luck.
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Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com
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(4 showing hatred | share the hate)
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| Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
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2:48 am - vent
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it is fucking ridiculous that I'm the bad guy when I say something every fucking day. But god forbid people that usually don't say it say it once in a fucking lifetime...and I'm the asshole. I'm the one not doing enough. I'm the one that's fucking up. for once, don't dictate my emotions to me. Don't fault me for not doing enough when I do exactly why you want every god damn day. Don't have fucking mood swings and forget that you aren't the only person in the world. Open your eyes for once and you'd be amazed with what you see.
Sorry I needed to get it out. I obviously don't mean any of it (not being sarcastic) but at the moment I really feel like I've just been drawn and quartered for doing daily what people hardly do at all.
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(2 showing hatred | share the hate)
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| Sunday, December 11th, 2005
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5:08 pm
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| Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
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10:18 pm - cheers
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Keep the noise low,
She doesn't wanna blow it,
Shaking head to toe
while your left hand does the "show me around"
Quickens your heartbeat,
It beats me straight into the ground.
You don't recover from a night like this.
A victim, still lying in bed, completely motionless.
A hand moves in the dark to a zipper.
Hear a boy bracing tight against sheets
barely whisper, "This is so messed up."
Upon arrival the guests had all stared.
Dripping wet and clearly depressed,
he'd headed straight for the stairs.
No longer cool, but a boy in a stitch,
unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships.
(Up the stairs: the station where
the act becomes the art of growing up.)
He keeps his hands low.
He doesn't wanna blow it.
He's wet from head to toe and
his eyes give her the up and the down.
His stomach turns and he thinks of throwing up.
But the body on the bed beckons forward
and he starts growing up.
The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason i breathed, but now its choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.
She hits the lights.
This doesn't seem quite fair.
Despite everything he learned from his friends,
he doesn't feel so prepared.
She's breathing quiet and smooth.
He's gasping for air.
"This is the first and last time," he says.
She fakes a smile and presses her hips into his.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He's holding back from telling her
exactly what it really feels like.
He is the lamb, she is the slaughter.
She's moving way too fast and all he wanted was to hold her.
Nothing that he tells her's really having an effect.
He whispers that he loves her,
but she's probably only looking for...
(Up the stairs: the station where
the act becomes the art of growing up.)
So much more than he could ever give.
A life free of lies and a meaningful relationship.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He waits for it to end
and for the aching in his guts to subside.
The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason i breathed, but now its choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.
Up the stairs: the station where
the act becomes the art of growing up.
The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason i breathed, but now its choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.
current music: Brand New - Sic Transit Gloria ... Glory Fades
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(2 showing hatred | share the hate)
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12:35 pm - Drum Corps Survey
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When did/do you march?
Surf 02*03*04*05
??? 06
What was/is your role?
Mellophone and overall tool
What were/are your tour jobs?
Heh. Hornloading from 02-04 (and a little in 05), the usual other duties, cleaning and what not.
What was/is your favorite tour food?
taco salad
What was/is your LEAST favorite tour food?
All food is good in drum corps because it isnt sustenance, it's a reward
What was/is your favorite bus food?
Fruit Smiles and of course Beef Jerky
What was/is your favorite housing site?
Finals week 05 by far
What was/is your least favorite housing site?
church in salina kansas, Jacksonville's roach motel, etc etc there were plenty
Showers: Scalding hot or Ice cold?
I like them hot usually, sunburn + ice cold water = no more testicles.
Rehearsal:
It's all about ensemble and visual
Line fields, or Load busses?
Horn loading owns your soul
Bob Barker: Dead or Alive?
perpetually dead, along with the pope, and that other guy that actually died
Favorite staff quote(s)?.
"make me a tree"
What are some of your worst memories?
all memories end up being good in the end
What are some funny tour stories?
There are so many good memories from tour.
Amazing People You've Met Along The Way
A LOT! (I don?t want to forget anybody but seriously I have meet some great friends along the way) [perfect holly perfect]
The most valuable thing you learned.
Everything I've learned in drum corps I've applied to every aspect of my life. It's incredible how much i owe to drumcorps
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(2 showing hatred | share the hate)
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10:04 am
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| Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
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2:52 pm
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tomorrow might be the day I die
so I want, or rather must, confide
all these things I did, or did not,
try to hide.
well, if boys are boys and
girls are girls.
then boys and girls
are sometimes confused
and I am confused most all the time.
well let's get one thing right
our friends are good
and their support is great
but the outcome is everything
and that's left to me and you
so if today is that day I dread
then at least it can be said
that we, we did things right.
we wrestled with our sense of pride
and even if it didn't sound like a battle cry.
still we, we did things right.
we hung up our relationships
for everyone to see
then blind interpretations
couldn't say what's right for you or me
and we could find out what we want
and make no apologies
because we couldn't coexist
any other way.
current mood:  blank
current music: Defiance, Ohio - Lullabies
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(1 showing hatred | share the hate)
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ddevil525's journal
Dear Santa...